Grace or Grouch?

Our attitudes, whether positive or negative, are contagious. In a recent column that appeared on Inc.com, Anese Cavanaugh called being contagious “a super power.” She recounted an experience in an airport when weather had caused numerous delays and an abundance of bad attitudes. She observed how the positively contagious understood this situation was part of travel and chose to go with the flow. Then there were members of the negatively contagious group who chose to get ugly with the gate agents and suck the life out the room. Both groups were able to influence other travelers. We’ve all witnessed it, and we’ve all been one of the influencers at some point. And it doesn’t have to be in a high-stress situation like when all flights have been canceled and you’re stranded.

It could be the way you show up to work in the morning, how you enter the room when a meeting starts, the way you approach an employee that needs help, or how you talk to your loved ones at the end of the day.

I’m guilty of being on both sides of the contagious culture. One of my strong suits is approaching moments with a smile, even if I have to force it. I can’t deny entering a situation with a bad attitude (like a meeting), which can influence others to act the same way. But we can make a choice of which group we fall into.

In her blog (blog.anesecavanaugh.com) Cavanaugh explains how we “show up” really matters with everyone we encounter each day. “It all has impact. Sometimes you won’t realize that impact ‘til years later, if at all ever. And that’s okay. Show up. Stay true. Honor your integrity, even if it disappoints others or they simply don’t understand …”

Cavanaugh published a book at the end of 2015 called Contagious Culture: Show Up, Set the Tone, and Intentionally Create an Organization that Thrives. It’s on my reading list for 2016.

In her blog she also points to other tips that tie into her book, including self-care. “Self-care is not a luxury, it is an absolute essential ingredient to our leadership ...” I get a failing grade here. If we’re not taking care of ourselves, how can we take care of our businesses and families? I’m not going to do the predictable, clichéd New Year’s resolution about taking better care of myself. Instead, I’ll think about how I’m influencing others around me (“showing up”) when I’m too tired to be present and active throughout the day.

She also says to “burn in it.” But won’t that hurt or be uncomfortable? Well, yes. That’s why it’s so darn hard to do it.

“The good, the bad, the ugly, the gorgeous, all of it — stay with it. Your comfort with discomfort and your willingness to stay in the burn will determine how much range you have as a leader, how much joy you can access, and how much you can be with others in their discomfort,” she writes.

One other nugget she shared that hit home was, “do not take anything personally.” I spent years (mostly as a young mother with a child who struggled in school) taking all things personally. It took a long time, to overcome but one of my favorite sayings now is, “put it in a bubble and blow it away.”

Cavanaugh adds, “Unintentional impact happens all the time, people show up, people disappear, people are kind, people say weird things, people think you’re amazing, people think you suck, they’re happy with you, they’re disappointed …” When that happens, learn from it and keep going. And she reminds us that we do it to them, too.

This year, let’s be more aware of how we’re influencing everyone in our lives, either professional or personal. Let’s show up with gratitude and grace.